Monsters

How did I know?

When you enter the adoption system in India, you begin what seems like a process of endless waiting. Then one day, a few years later, you receive an email with basic information and some pictures. Nothing to go on, really. You have four days to decide.

We received our email on a Monday afternoon in 2021, and spent the rest of the day trying to stabilise our vitals as we obsessed over their pictures. Runi in a blue dress, Juni in a yellow dress. Late that night, around 2 or 3am, after Tara had gone to bed and the rest of the world had shut up, I sat in my study frantically scribbling the thoughts that rushed through my head. And out of nowhere, a poem appeared.

---

I'm dreaming of monsters
one yellow, one blue.
The tallest, tiniest giants
of all time.

Hiding somewhere 
deep in a jungle
ready to pounce,
to crush
the boredom and peace
of my days.

They don't know this yet
- my monsters -
they don't even know I exist,
but they're closing in.
Hijacking my heart
steering my brain, already
checking the mirrors
adjusting the seats
tying me up - 
"At least tell me where we're going, guys!"

They look at each other
and smile.
"To places wild and wonderful.
Places you've never seen."

The pocket-sized co-pilots
of my perfect nightmare.

---

One day they will discover this and I will have to answer for my terrible drawing skills (especially for their frog-like fingers). But it is indeed true, that Runi was smiling and Juni was frowning just like this.